When the French writer Marcel Proust was just 13 he completed a list of questions in a friend’s ‘confession album’ titled An Album To Record Thoughts,Feelings, Etc—the 19th century version of a friendship book. Those questions have been popularised as the Proust Questionnaire and are used to reveal the personality, tastes and aspirations of whoever chooses to answer them.
Last night I was reading Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen’s answers in their coffee table book, Influence, and was inspired to complete my own. You can do one on the Vanity Fair site here and then find out which celebrity your answers are most like…Everyone likes to be like celebrities, after all!
My Proust Questionnaire
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Perfect happiness sounds pretty eternally elusive but a nice cup of tea in the sun is quite nice.
What is your greatest fear? Irrelevance, the possibility that I am wasting my life and driving on a freeway on my own.
What historical figure do you most identify with? Diane Arbus for her love of freaks and geeks, below is one of my favourite of her photographs ‘Identical Twins, Roselle, NJ, 1967’.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? My gold fish memory.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? The dangerously prevalent disease of indifference.
What is your greatest extravagance? Fast cars, fast women and cocaine for breakfast. Not really, a soy latte a day to keep the doctor away—living off the government teat doesn’t leave too much mad coin for extravagance.
On what occasion do you lie? To the Yarra Trams man when necessary. It’s the perfect crime.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? Crooked teeth, but apparently that’s a trend in Japan these days so maybe I need to move there.
When and where were you happiest? A cross between holidays in Sri Lanka and New York.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? Tits—just kidding, my Mum would be way cross! That is not a constructive question!
If you could change one thing about your family what would it be? Let my Mum retire comfortably whenever she wants.
What do you think is your greatest achievement? I was actually asked this in a stand up comedy show once…Losing my virginity? Having my writing printed? I’m an underachiever, it seems.
If you died and came back as a person or thing what would it be? Depends how good my karma turns out, an ex-boyfriend once said I would be a dolphin, confusing considering I don’t know how to swim to save myself.
What is your most treasured possession? Maybe my Mac, I kiss it every night before bed.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? There’s nothing sadder than a truly sad emoji (╯︵╰,). That or a McDonald’s mates meal with no mates.
Who are your heroes in real life? Strong, smart ladies like Mia Freedman and Jana Wendt. Also, I know he’s not real but Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird.
What is it you most dislike? The blissfully ignorant, unexamined life and doing shots of vodka.
How would you most like to die? Gees, I’m not sure there’s an ideal way. With clean, good underwear on ideally.
What is your motto? I’m here for a good time, not a long time (like all adventurous women).
Turns out, according to Vanity Fair I am 96.71% Karl Lagerfeld and 79.67% James Brown. I don’t know how I feel about this, especially considering King Karl recently voiced his opinions that Pippa Middleton ‘struggles’ and he ‘doesn’t like the sister’s face’. I would never call a princess a prawn!